Tuesday, May 25, 2010
So here it is a month after my last post, and I once again find myself having to apologize for it. It's not like I'm not online daily or every other day, so there really is no excuse. I click on my bookmarks tab, and I can see the bookmark for this very blog, and instead of sharing my life and thoughts with you, I go straight for the online porn. I am a porn junky. I think I am trying to fill the void of not dating anyone. It's actually pretty counter-productive. I should be out and about - with friends, at parties, at the gym - trying to meet people the normal way. My computer has become my shield. If I sit in front of it and chat, or watch porn, or read blogs, I won't have to deal with the real world. I know what I'm doing. I'm afraid of the unknown. I always have been. I freeze like a deer in the headlights. When a guy talks to me in the real world, I stutter, and sputter, and make a fool of myself. Thank God for alcohol - what i call "Liquid Courage". LOL
Tomorrow I head to San Francisco for work, and I am VERY excited. It's one of my favorite cities, and it helps that 2 very old friends from Philadelphia live there now. Friday night, we're all going to meet for drinks and dinner, and I can't wait! Brian was one of my first boyfriends, and he's so handsome and hysterically funny. Thomas was Brian's pal in Philly, and he is so sweet, and one of the funniest guys you'll ever know. We had some amazing adventures when we all lived in Philadelphia, and I am hoping we'll have a great time on friday reconnecting.
One final thing I want to admit. I'm lonely. I want a boyfriend. Not a "move in right away" dysfunctional type of boyfriend - but an actual healthy adult relationship oriented boyfriend. There. I said it. So, ummmm, whoever has a hand in this (ie: the fates, GOD, friends...) - could we expedite the process, please? I think I've been patient long enough. 44 years is a long time to wait. Thanks in advance....